Wednesday, 21 July 2010

My Feelings Now

My Tummy

It is like a coiled snake.
A hollow nothingness.
A deep dark black hole.
The smudge that remains after an eraser has tried to rub out a mistake.
A physical feeling of impending doom.
Anxiety for I know not what.

My head

Lack of motivation
The state of the house
The ironing pile
The inability to make decisions (even the smallest one over what to cook for lunch)
My heath
The lack of jobs in the big bad world
The summer
The boys
My mum

My Heart

It aches
It weeps
It wants to stop beating
It is heavy in my chest
Jumping in to my throat

The tears fall hot and heavy
The anger is subsiding, being replaced by floods of salty water
I can not stop them
They are ever present
For no reason and for every reason


  1. You are not alone, Jen. This is part of depression and I know it well. I am sending you positive vibes and I am wondering what kind of help and support you are having - is there anything more you need that you can ask for - I don't know what your GP's like or whether you see him/her regularly - can you be referred for counselling or whatever you think would help. I recently had my meds doubled and it made a huge difference. Lots of love from me in Harrogate

  2. Beautifully written, but difficult to read. You know where I am x

  3. I could have written this myself Jen, I know oh so well where you're coming from. Can you get some time to yourself?

    Have a massive *hug* and a *squeeze* too. xx

  4. Sending hugs. One tiny thing I do when I struggle most is take an extra moment to bury my nose in the hair of one (or all) of the sleeping children.

    Thinking of you.